Focus: SCHOOL SUPPORT

Dealing in the Aftermath of Student Loss
By BRENDA KOLBE/School Administrator, February 2020

THE MOST TRAGIC and difficult crisis we deal with in K-12 education, by far, is the death of a child.

When a child dies, whether by accident or personal health, the school building administration typically is the first to know as the family may not be sure where else to turn.

In our 12,500-student school district, it’s not uncommon for a principal or assistant principal to travel to the hospital to be with the grieving family. While this falls outside of the scope of our job as educators, what we do is ultimately centered around caring for our students. The family may be feeling lost, and a trusted adult figure who can stay calm under stress is an invaluable resource.

In Elkhart, Ind., we’ve tragically faced the death of a student more than once in recent years. It never gets easier, but it can be helpful to have a plan in place.

» Notify central administration. Once a building administrator becomes aware, it is critical that he or she contact the central office. The latter should notify the appropriate people, including the school board, and immediately engage the services of a grief counseling agency. In my district, we’re fortunate to have Ryan’s Place, a community organization that supports children coping with grief.

The central office also should notify social workers across the district and move them temporarily to be available to students at the school where the child attended.

» Notify school staff and students. With grief counselors and social workers available, the building administrator should inform school staff as soon as possible, preferably in person. Though it’s hard for staff members to hear about the death of a child, we try to remind them that their love, care and strength for their students becomes vital as the students are informed.

Grief counselors and social workers can work alongside teachers as they notify their classes. Allow the grief counselors to lead discussions and activities to help classmates. By this point, the death usually has become public knowledge.

» Contact the school district’s photography provider. Inform the company handling student photography of the death and ask for a high-resolution digital copy of the child’s school photo. The photo will be widely shared and possibly requested by the news media.

We ensure any photo we use reflects positively on the child. Under the circumstances, the photo company may ask if it’s appropriate to send a photo package to the family via the school.

» Prepare a reflection. To compose a tribute that truly captures the child, we reach out to those who are closest to the child: teachers, paraprofessionals, principals and coaches. It may be incredibly difficult to ask co-workers who are grieving the loss of a child to reflect on the child’s life.

» Post on social media. By the time we’ve gathered photos and prepared a reflection, it’s likely that a few days have passed. Our policy is to never break the news about the death of a child. We wait until the news media has done so through its news coverage or an obituary.

Though it may feel uncomfortable or insensitive to post on social media about a deceased child, we have repeatedly heard from families expressing appreciation of community support stemming from social media posts. Family members are touched to read a reflection of their child in the eyes of the school.

» Final Advice. Always avoid references to religion in anything posted on a school district page. Monitor comments carefully on social media sites and hide anything that’s insensitive to the family. Avoid posting information about fundraising on the district’s sites, but don’t hide comments of visitors if they do so.

Take care of your students, staff and families, but don’t forget to take care of yourself at the end of the day.


BRENDA KOLBE is director of communications in the Elkhart Community Schools in Elkhart, Ind. Twitter: @ElkhartSchools